The Charger Blog
Beatrice Glaviano ā26 discusses change, growth, and destressing over Thanksgiving break, and she offers encouragement to her fellow Chargers.
December 05, 2023
Thanksgiving Break, Day #1:
Exam. Lab report. Dad. Home. I will not lie and tell you that I wrote anything for this day, but instead give you those brief points as a summary.
Thanksgiving Break, Day #2.
[Author rubs her face, taking a seat in her chair] Hey guys.
I will let you all know that Iām running on two cups of coffee, a homework marathon (Anatomy and Orgo), and frankly what seems to be pure Christmas spirit as Iām ready to just deck my apartment out in the most sparkly stuff ever. In other words:
Itās been a rough week.
Iām pretty sure that it was a mix of both burnout, my menstrual cycle, and literally the impending doom of a formal lab report for my chemistry lab. However, no matter how much yoga Iāve done or how many squats Iāve managed, the good olā seasonal depression is back to haunt me. Because I knew this would happen, I have been coping in several ways, such as:
But for the most part, I felt really small. Not physically, but as a person. I felt small because the things that make Beatrice, Beatrice, had started to wilt a little bit. I give a lot into my schoolwork, into jobs, and my duties as a friend, the eldest child, the leader, the gym person, the advocate, and the everyday human being. Itās tiring, to say the least, and itās hard to be myself when so much is going on.
I promised these blogs would be real with all of you, so hereās that realness.
About this time last year, nothing was really going right. Iām not sure if my body is reliving those memories or not, but itās something that has come to mind one or two times. I was basically about to āfailā out of chemistry, I had no clue what I was doing or what path I was choosing because I was still a forensic science major who hated learning about forensics, and my health was rocky. So, I have no clue if those memories or events are contributing to the seasonal sad or if I just need to lay in the sun for two hours straight listening to an audiobook.
But if there is one thing I learned is that when, and you will, lose yourself, itās okay to not look for a while.
Why?
Because you grow the most without meaning to. If you look for a past version of yourself, youāll only find whoever you were instead, rather than who you could be.
Yes, Iām not doing the best, but I fight for myself relentlessly. I managed to squat 165 pounds at a bodyweight of roughly 115. I got a 96 on my anatomy exam because I believed that I could. I can do hard things, and I needed to remind myself that I am worth that effort.
Since I went back home for Fall Break, Iāve been going to my home gym again. Itās been good to go back too ā familiar faces and all, knowing the equipment like the back of my hand and how many times the barbell saw the tears that nobody else did. But what I wasnāt expecting was for someone to walk up to me (someone I knew) and tell me:
āItās so good to see you!ā She said, bubbly and ecstatic. āYouāve grown into yourself ā you look a lot more comfortable.ā
And that just sort of...hit me.
It hadnāt been for nothing, after all. The studying, the change of major, all the chances I took on myself having no clue what could happen ā a change had been made, and, honestly, I am so grateful that I am not the same person as I was before. The past version of me wasnāt bad, and sometimes I miss her optimism, her pure joy, and her perceptions, but several things needed to be acted on in order to progress in my life.
So, as someone who used to fear change, it was a huge moment for me to understand that growth would be predictable and that in itself is perhaps one of the best things life could offer me:
Change.
Change of mindset. Change of clothes. Change of hair or perfume. I can do the hard things, and Iām not going to let cold weather get the best of me. Not when I have plenty of life to live and breathe into.
Itās time for hot chocolate, Christmas decorations, the heartiest laughs, and the best of friendships youāve ever seen in your sad life, Depression.
Fight me.
Thanksgiving Break, Day #3.
[Playing Kanye Westās āRunawayā]
Today is considerably better than yesterday, probably because I didnāt bury myself in work again. I knitted, hit the gym, watched the rest of the movie Iām supposed to for bioethics (itās an assignment), read part of CH.17: Cardiovascular Emergencies for EMT I, and now Iām here.
Iām on Thanksgiving break, man. Itās okay for me to take a break. Iām allowed that, at the very least.
Michael came up to me in the gym. I met him yesterday, and I was happy to make his acquaintance. He told me how strong I was. I donāt really think that he knew how far that compliment went, really. Today, I felt really weak in the gym ā despite it being leg day. I managed about four reps of 135 and-
āNope. Not today. Nu-uh.ā
And it wasnāt because I wasnāt willing to put in the work (I went on to do a 4x10 of 115 superset with ten jump squats), but because my spine was about to throw a fit. I go to the gym for my physical, mental, and emotional health, and if my back is not okay with something that Iām trying to do, I will not make it do so.
There is a difference between soreness and pain, and being able to understand that difference can be very helpful.
Thanksgiving Break, Day #4:
Author, fueled on coffee and ready for the sugar high of the century: āITāS TURKEY DAY EVERYONE, RISE AND SHINE!ā
Good morning, good morning everyone! Iāve noticed this blog series (and maybe the blogs overall) are steadily becoming more and more like a podcast transcript rather than a written entry. Either way, Iām having a lot of fun.
Today, itās sunny with only a few clouds in the sky and dudes, I am feeling better than ever. I took the day off yesterday from studying or doing any real academic-based work, and frankly, I really needed that. While I will be getting some school stuff done today, itās going to be a gradual transition into it rather than a full-blown slam-study session.
Also, itās Thanksgiving: I have people to hug and food to eat. Assignments can wait.
So far, Iāve spent the morning writing little āThank Youā notes to my friends and family, as thatās something I genuinely love doing every Thanksgiving given the holidayās meaning. And, itās been going really well. Iām really, truthfully grateful that I get to be a part of peopleās lives for whatever amount of time that Iām allowed with them. So many of the people Iāve ever met in my life have taught me so many different things by just being themselves. I wonder how many people Iāve impacted by being myself, or even writing these blogs. I know a lot of entries can be hard reads as they involve a lot of hard topics, but I like writing them not only because Iām a poet at heart, but I also want to be someone on this campus who people know understands the struggle of being a student, just trying to do the whole āadultā thing.
Being a legal adult while trying to be a professional adult while trying to allow yourself to be the kid you wanted to be because you have āadult moneyā now from your āadult jobā is hard.
Some days, it comes down to buying new skincare over good groceries. Others, itās rapid-firing assignments because your procrastination got out of control. My procrastination, actually, is probably one of the worst on the planet as I typically get everything (assignments) in on time.
Key word: on time. Thatās all I will say on the topic.
Anyhow, back to the topic of Thanksgiving. In the Glaviano household, there are always a few key moments to Thanksgiving that happen every year:
Needless to say, Thanksgiving in our household is always a riot. Iām pretty sure that Iāve mentioned my favorite foods already, but Iām going to list them again anyways:
Boom. You know āGirl Dinner?ā This is my āGirl Thanksgivingā in a nutshell. Over the past couple of years, Iāve realized that the holiday is less about the food, but more so, instead, it is about seeing my family and catching up with all of my relatives. So much has happened this year that I am so, so stupidly grateful and happy for, and I cannot thank life enough for the opportunities itās given me to grow through. While not all of the experiences I went through were pleasant, Iām still happy that they happened. Instead of thinking āWhy is this happening to me?ā I changed my thoughts into āWhat can I learn from this?ā, and that really helped change my perspective on things.
Thanksgiving is really a great time to think about things as a whole, I think. The entire day, Iāve just sat in gratitude. Even though we only had three people over, the house felt just as full as if we had 20. Family will always be family, and thatās something that really stuck out to me this year.
Itās also been brought to my attention that Iām now the āmomā friend of the group. I wasnāt very surprised by this, seeing that I have four plants, bake a really good vegan banana bread and sweet potato casserole, and have an alarming number of sweaters accompanied by a chronic caffeine addiction.
Iām 19 and 27 at the same time and itās a little weird.
I am incredibly grateful, however, for the friends that I have made this year and the friendships that I have maintained. As a pre-med kid, keeping in touch with people ā or even myself ā can get a little tricky. Oftentimes, I find myself giving people a āheads upā that I wonāt be able to reach out for the next couple of days because Iām studying or going on a massive homework slam. Either way, Iām extremely privileged to know the people in my life because they add so much to it and genuinely make me strive to be a better person.
There are other things Iām grateful for too, of course: a healthy body, the ability to go to a good school and learn what I want to, my parentsā sacrifices ā the list could go on. Overall, this Thanksgiving season I found myself wrapped up and blessed in gratitude and pure joy for what I have. Despite whatever is happening in your life, there is always something to be grateful for, even if itās small. Coming to campus after the holiday really helped me find grounding in my academics again, and just seeing the University again, well...
It was inspirational.
I hope that you all are having a good week, and that you find peace in the cooler weather. Please feel free to reach out with any comments, questions, or possible concerns to BGlav1@unh.newhaven.edu or my personal email, beatriceg2022@gmail.com.
I am grateful for all of you.
With peace, love, and all the peanut butter,
Beatrice
Beatrice Glaviano ā26 is a nutrition sciences major at the University of New 51¶ŗÄĢ.
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